“Very demure, very mindful, very respectful.”
Is this the end of “brat” summer?
The way you are sitting gracefully in your office chair – very demure. How you are sipping your tea – very mindful. Discreetly flossing your teeth in the bathroom – very respectful. Seemingly overnight, “demure” - traditionally associated with modesty and reserved behaviour - has become a semi-ironic buzzword on social media. In just a few days, TikTok has been flooded with videos, primarily from trans women, encouraging viewers to carry themselves with grace and act “demurely.”
One of the most prominent creators behind this trend is beauty influencer Jools Lebron, who shared a video offering advice on how to be modest and mindful in the workplace. “I don’t go to work with a green-cut crease. I don’t look like a clown when I go to work. I don’t do too much. I’m very mindful while I’m at work. You see how I look very presentable? The way I came to the interview is the way I go to the job,” said the Chicago-based creator. “A lot of you girls go to the interview looking like Marge Simpson and go to the job looking like Patty and Selma. Not demure. I’m very modest. I’m very mindful.”
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The Viral Linguistics of TikTok Slang
Internet speaks moves fast, but it becomes more sticky when there is a template to follow, as with the ‘cores’ - like underconsumption core. As the trend has grown, users have created satirical videos, humorously depicting what does and doesn’t qualify as “demure.” While it traditionally implies modesty and reserve, Lebron’s interpretation emphasizes being cutesy, respectable, and composed. The trend doesn’t seem to carry any deep meaning - it is playful, fun, and might even serve as a satirical commentary on some TikTok influencers' tendency to highlight every aspect of their behaviour.
The terms have become the latest viral trend on TikTok and other social media platforms, where slang and inside jokes can spread rapidly, often only fully understood by those who spend significant time online. Lebron’s first video using the term has garnered 3.9 million views, and a follow-up video discussing being “demure,” “cutesy,” and “mindful” has over 13.8 million views.
The lifecycle of slang on TikTok is a fascinating study in viral linguistics and digital culture. Some terms catch fire and spread rapidly across the platform, while others fizzle out almost immediately. This disparity in traction can be attributed to several factors.
The inherent appeal and versatility of the term play a crucial role; words that can be applied to a wide range of situations or easily incorporated into existing trends tend to gain more momentum.
The influence and reach of the creators who initially popularize the term can significantly impact its spread. When high-profile users with large followings adopt a phrase, it's more likely to be seen and repeated by others.
The timing and context of a term's introduction can be pivotal; slang that aligns with current cultural moments or addresses shared experiences often resonates more strongly.
The platform's algorithm also plays a part, as it can amplify content using trending terms, creating a snowball effect.
The collaborative nature of TikTok, where users build upon and remix each other's content, allows certain terms to evolve and stay relevant longer.
In contrast, slang that lacks these elements often fails to gain traction, quickly disappearing into the vast sea of content that floods the platform daily.
Is this the end of brat summer?
The concept of “demureness” as described by Lebron has emerged following a summer characterized by the “brat” trend, which celebrated behaviour far from demure.
Recent trends, such as the rise of the “coquette” aesthetic and the emphasis on ultra-feminine “trad wives,” also suggest a related shift. The term "demure" is being used more broadly than its traditional definition, reflecting a playful reinterpretation that resonates with today's social media culture.
Spotify reports that playlists featuring the word "demure" have increased by over 2,500% in the United States, with songs from artists like Lana Del Rey, Mitski, Billie Eilish, and SZA.
With this associated playfulness, brands are quick to jump on this trend, or trendjacking: from Netflix, to Maybelline, to NARS, to the restaurant chain Chili’s, to the New York City Department of Sanitation trendjacking.
Successful trendjacking requires a delicate balance of timeliness, cultural relevance, and brand alignment. It's not about jumping on every trend, but choosing the right moments that resonate with your audience and brand values - or it just ends up being cringe.
Why the origin matters
The origin of a trend and its initial creator hold significant importance to social media users for several reasons. Being recognized as the originator of a viral trend can lead to increased visibility, followers, and potentially lucrative opportunities. This recognition serves as a form of cultural capital, establishing the creator's influence and creativity within the online community.
In an era where content is easily copied, remixed and re-shared, attributing a trend to its rightful creator becomes a matter of intellectual property and ethical content creation. For marginalized communities, particularly, claiming ownership of trends they originate is crucial in preventing cultural appropriation and ensuring their contributions to popular culture are acknowledged.
This emphasis on origins also reflects a broader desire for authenticity and transparency in online interactions, where users value knowing the context and background of the content they consume and share. Ultimately, the question of who started a trend speaks to issues of credit, respect, and the complex dynamics of influence in the digital age.
In response to the trend’s popularity, Lebron acknowledged in an August 13 video the many “demure divas” who have paved the way for her. Other popular trans creators, such as Selyna Brillare and Devin Halbal, have also posted videos encouraging demure behaviour, though their content hasn’t achieved the same level of viral success as Lebron’s.
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The trend’s popularity has sparked some controversy on TikTok, with a user named @mayalabruja posting a video addressing claims by @selyna.brillare that she started the trend in now-deleted videos.
Throughout the drama, Lebron has maintained a “demure” stance, emphasizing the importance of mindfulness and avoiding conflict. In one TikTok, she remarked, “Earlier I fed into drama. Not demure of me,” and urged others to be mindful before engaging in drama. She also highlighted that many popular catchphrases originate from trans people of colour, and the best way to honour the trend is by acknowledging the contributions of queer trailblazers in popular culture. “Being demure is thanking the people who have come before you while paving the way for those who will come after you,” Lebron said. “And that’s being demure, divas.”